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Abernathy Strategies
RepublicanGazette
Thursday, March 27, 2008 "When news breaks, we fix it" Published daily except some days
Submissions welcome
The Republican Gazette welcomes Emails to the Editor and press releases. All submitted items must include the name and contact information for the author of the article, and all articles will only be published with the author's name included. Thank you for reading and participating in The Republican Gazette, another of West Virginia's most biased publications.
All opinions are those of The Republican Gazette and its editor, Gary Abernathy, except letters or commentary signed by others, and do not reflect the views of anyone else, including clients of Abernathy Strategies.
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Dear Hillary
C'mon, haven't I been punished enough already?
Dear Hillary,
I tried to call again yesterday, four times, but they told me you were busy. Hey, I know how it is. I ran for president, remember? And yeah, I remember all those times you tried to call me and I was too, uh, busy to talk. But this is different!Hey, I know this is your time. We made that deal a long time ago. First, my time, then your time. And I know I screwed up, and people started blaming me for you losing all those states in a row. But hey, haven't I made up for that yet? C'mon, give me another chance.I mean, I haven't seen a town with more than three stop lights since January. Even Chelsea gets to go to Philadelphia or Chicago once in a while. You know where they got me this week? Chesapeake, West Virginia! You know where that is? It's where I'm speaking on my way to Beckley! What's that tell ya?C'mon, Hil. I promise to stick to the script from now on. I promise to talk more about you than about me. But it's hard! People love me! What am I supposed to do when they tell me how great things were when I was president? Act like I don't agree? I really need to stay in a nice hotel once in a while. The Motel 6 I was in last night was right next to Billy Roy's Barbeque and Bike Shop, and they were partyin' til at least 3 a.m. That's when I told 'em I had to get back to my room and get some sleep! I'm tellin' ya, Hil, I can't keep this up! How 'bout lettin' me do a real TV show once in a while? I mean somethin' besides "Good Morning Peoria." I was on one cable show that had a set they wouldn't have used on "Wayne's World." My makeup lady was also the caterer! My pancake makeup came out of a Hungry Jack box!On one show, I had to draw that day's winning contest entry. You know what the prize was? Dinner for two at Bob's Big Boy! (I managed to keep that one for myself.) I thought things were gettin' better a couple of days ago when the producer offered to have a car pick me up and bring me to the studio. He didn't tell me he'd be driving, and we'd also have to make three stops on the way to pick up coffee and donuts, drop his kids off at school, and get an oil change. C'mon, Hil. Give me another chance. I promise I'll do better.Your husband,
Bill
Those close to Byrd must start considering a dignified conclusion
On Tuesday, Sen. Robert C. Byrd attended a fundraiser for 2nd District Congressional candidate Anne Barth at the Power Alley Grill in Charleston.Watch the raw footage from WSAZ and try to reach any other conclusion than that it's time for Byrd, and those close to him, to begin planning a dignified conclusion to his remarkable career.This is not a partisan insult from a Republican who dislikes Byrd. My own attitude about Senator Byrd, politically, is that over the years the GOP has taken its best shot, and Byrd has triumphed every time. I may not agree with those who believe Byrd has been the best thing that ever happened to West Virginia. In fact, I think the fact that the state has depended so heavily on one man for handouts rather than create an economic climate that would sustain itself regardless of personalities has been a horrible, decades-long mistake.But I appreciate Byrd. I admire his staying power. I believe that he sincerely does love West Virginia, and that in many ways his humble personal life has been admirable. He has apparently not enriched himself much as a result of his public service, unlike so many -- or most -- politicians.But time stands still for no man. Even the most ardent Byrd supporter cannot want what is inevitable -- a glaring public embarrassment or faux pas that leaves a lasting impression forever overshadowing the legacy he has built.To watch the raw WSAZ video is to witness an old man simply trying to maintain an upright position. His efforts to hear and respond to a reporter's series of simple questions is so sad you don't even want to keep watching. His attempt to read his prepared remarks reveals a struggle that brings to mind nothing so much as a young child attempting to carefully sound out the words as a room full of supportive onlookers gently encourage him. Who puts someone they love in this kind of position? During the raw interview footage, Barth tries a couple of times to step in and speak for him, but she, too, had to be horrified at the train wreck in progress.What does Senator Byrd have left to prove, or accomplish? All that awaits him now, politically, is to force the hands of his fellow Senators, who will almost certainly remove him from his chairmanship of the Appropriations Committee, for his own good. Watch the video. Is this a man capable of chairing a committee meeting on national television?Senator Byrd should retire now, with dignity and grace, while that option is still available. He would be feted like no Senator before him. He could enjoy countless celebratory dinners and parades in his honor. And he could continue to grow older, with all that comes with it, in the privacy of his home, rather than in the glare of the national spotlight, which will unblinkingly capture every future stumble, every nap on the Senate floor, every instance of the aging Senator clearly being unaware of what is going on around him.Who would want that for him? His enemies? Or his friends? 
Regardless of your politics, Byrd deserves better than the kind of embarrassing display at the Anne Barth event
Nancy Reagan's endorsement
of John McCain for President
"Although it has been my custom to wait until after the Republican National Convention to announce my support of a candidate, it is clear that the Party has chosen its nominee. So it is with great pleasure that I endorse Senator John McCain for President of the United States. John McCain has been a good friend for over thirty years. My husband and I first came to know him as a returning Vietnam War POW, and were impressed by the courage he had shown through his terrible ordeal. I believe John's record and experience have prepared him well to be our next president."Dear Bill
Can't talk long, what with all the sniper fire going on here
Dear Bill,
It was lovely to receive your letter. I thought of you just the other day, and asked someone what had ever happened to you. Glad to hear you are doing well. Thank you for all you are doing for my campaign.I am sorry to have missed your calls, but as you know, I have been extremely busy. Security has grown very tight. The other day we attended a fundraiser in Philadelphia, and I was forced to don a flak jacket and helmet as we scurried from the limo into the mansion. There was sniper fire all around, and I barely managed to dive for cover in time. Then, yesterday, our lead car struck a land mine right in the middle of I-81, and I was evacuated by helicopter, which performed a corkscrew maneuver amidst a barrage of hand grenades to land me at a reception in Pittsburgh.Thanks again for all you have done for me. Your daughter had to fend off another question yesterday about Monica. How nice. You have no idea how proud we both are.I did ask to see your schedule and have made one minor adjustment. I did not feel that one day in Pikeville, Ky., was enough for you to accomplish all we need to do there, so now you have three. Stay in touch,
Hillary
